I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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