my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
