Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
