it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
