peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
