I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
