In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
