Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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