So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize