Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
