there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
