i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
