Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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