Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
