i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
