R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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