i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize