I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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