he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
