So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
