That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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