i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
