Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
