I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
