my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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