All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
