the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
