biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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