the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
