All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
