and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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