There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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