he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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