Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
