I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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