Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
