He disabled his match.com account in front of me
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
