I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
