with your own penis?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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