i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
