btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
