I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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