Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
