It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
