im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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