you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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