you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
