I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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