so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
