there was a trapeze. enough said
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
