well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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