worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
