I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
3 2 1 whiskey
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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