Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
