yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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