I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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