Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
