Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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