ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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