I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize