How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Let's get the cat blown out
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
