If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
