You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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