I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
