I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
